Preparing for EMDR: Trust Yourself. Trust the Process.

In preparing for EMDR, you really have to trust yourself. You also have to trust your EMDR therapist and the entire process. if you want, you can start preparing for your very first session by thinking about your greatest life memories. They don’t need to be in order. And the memories can be anything —the good, the bad the horrific. In my experience, as time goes on, more memories will surface as your subconscious starts engaging with the process. That’s when you’ll see life-altering and sustainable lifelong results.

My First EMDR Session. No EMDR.

We introduced ourselves. Make small talk. I check out the surroundings: a small quilt hanging on the wall, essential oils on a shelf by her corner desk, crystals arranged on the floor, within reach. It’s cozy.

Her soft eyes reveal her soul. Her smile is warm and friendly. She looks just like the photo on the website where I discovered her.

I settle deeper into the cushions and grab a pillow, hugging it with both arms.

“Do you want a teddy bear?”

“No. Thanks. I like the pillow.”

She smiles and dives right in. “So why are you here?”

Why Am I Here?

My chin moves down and my eyebrows lift as high as they can go. “It was either this or jumping off a cliff! ” I’m trying to be funny. But she tell…I’m dead serious.

“I’m here because my friend told me to come. Because I keep making bad decisions.” My chin almost touches my chest as I look down. “Really bad ones. I pick the wrong people. Or maybe they pick me. And I can’t seem to change.”

Her ear leans close to her shoulder and her eyes become inquisitive. “What kind of people?”

“Narcissists. Cheaters. Liars. It started years ago with my lovers. Turns out three of my ex-boyfriends all had wives.” I shake my head. A smirk of shame crosses my face. “I stopped dating.”

“How long ago did you stop dating?” She more concerned than curious.

“Twenty years ago.” Her eyes bug out from her face while mine remain blank.

A Target for Narcissists

For the majority of my life, I’ve been a target for narcissists, manipulators, and jerks in general. I was born wearing a pair of rose-colored glasses so thick I couldn’t see certain people for who they really are. I trusted everyone. And while I play the strong, confident, successful female —on the inside, I’m anything but.

Preparing For EMDR’s Stream of Consciousness

After about 30 minutes of this, she gets out a yellow legal pad and we get down to business. She asked me to start listing as many memories as I could, in no particular order. Here’s where the stream of consciousness comes in. The memories can be good or bad or seemingly inconsequential, it doesn’t matter. Just speak them out as they come to me. A lifetime of memories…no problem.

“Where do I start?”

“Anywhere!” Her gentle laugh comforts me.

“Anywhere? That’s a lotta space to cover!”

The First Thing That Comes To Mind

“What’s the first thing that comes to mind?” Her laid-back demeanor was attractive. There were no right or wrong answers. Once I got past that, I relaxed. 

“When I was about 8 or 9 I got a tie-dyed, navy-blue bodysuit for Christmas. It came in a big box with a matching light blue warm-up suit. I was in gymnastics at the time, and I hated the bars, the balance beam, and the vault, but I lived and breathed for the floor routine. I dreamt about dancing across the floor every night. But it took me far longer than most kids to even learn to do a somersault. That didn’t matter now. I was so happy with the gift in front of me I started crying tears of joy. That was a really happy Christmas.”

Curious why that memory was my first, she asked: “Do you have other memories about Christmas?”

Memories Rushing In

My face turned white as my emotions suddenly got stuck in my throat. All my Christmas memories—the really good and the really bad ones—came flooding through at once, though I hesitated to share several. She was patient, and as I finally got into it, I started spewing out seemingly ridiculous memories, carefully avoiding those that made me feel… empty. Void. Like nothingness wrapped in skin.

She wrote down everything, filling several pages one after another. An hour went by in a blink. Two days later, she selected the memories that held the most impact, identified by furious circles she’d drawn next to things I’d repeated. With that, the EMDR began.